im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
