Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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