You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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