pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
