You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
