Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
