I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
