Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We left an ass print on the piano.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
