I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
