I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Barsexuality is the new black.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
