I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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