I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
