drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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