Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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