please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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