Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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