Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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