Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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