He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just want nice things and good sex
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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