No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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