Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
