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• (310): View more from California

  that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something

  (818): View more from California

  its my fault though, i'm wearing tights

  (310): View more from California

  you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Too much gin, very little bucket

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  I cut my penus on the lid.

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• (408): View more from California

  i fucked her mom dude

  (1-408): View more from California

  there's something to tell the kids

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• (925): View more from California

  All I want is tacobeell and your body

  (1-925): View more from California

  that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?

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• (210): View more from Texas

  literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.

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• (530): View more from California

  I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME

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• (607): View more from New York

  Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding

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