If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the day after is always just damage control
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
