There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
