I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
