Having a random hookup so left but love u
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
