I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
