Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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