I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
