He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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