His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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