If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
