I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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