guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
