I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
