Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
