That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
