I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
