I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
