Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have post one night stand depression
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
