just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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