Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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