i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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