Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
