you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
nutella sex= disaster
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
