The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
