she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
