I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
