a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
