I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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