why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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