im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
