Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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