Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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