What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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