College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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