Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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