You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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