hotel room ftw
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
