At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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