what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
