something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
