my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
