his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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