Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
