Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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