tell your sister to shave her snatch
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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