Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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