i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
