It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
